


I loved you after all, and I still do.

by setsukayoichi



Series: How could something so deadly feel so right? [2]
Category: Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluffy Ending, M/M, PanWink - Freeform, Past Relationship(s), Sick Relationship, Winkdeep, daedeep, divine comedy, dont know how to tag, how to love.jpg, it can have an happy ending if you want
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2018-12-20 03:42:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11912487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/setsukayoichi/pseuds/setsukayoichi
Summary: They were happy.They loved each other after all, but was that going to be enough?





	1. I should've bought you flowers When I had the chance

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a first try, I wanted to post just everything in one time but I found out that I need to know what others think before keeping writing so here we are!  
> English is not my mother tongue so when you find something wrong and too off , tell me please!  
> and i would really love to have a beta reader to help me out ;3;  
> someone help me plss  
> ( in the story Jinyoung is 22 and Ji Hoon 23)

Ji Hoon and Jinyoung, they lived together, they moved together in a little apartment near the college they frequented.  
After 2 years of relationship, it just felt natural for them to go and live together.  
It wasn’t something to decide, the fate wanted them to try that out and they did.  
The day they found this local near their college and their works it just instinctively made sense in their heads.  
They looked into each other eyes saying together “Let’s go live together”  
And they were happy. They felt it was the right decision and they went for it.  
They spent the first two months adjusting to each other even more than before.  
And then something just went wrong. They did not know where, just along the way.  
They found out each other little flaws, the ones they wanted to hide, the ones they wanted to keep for themselves, the little annoying ones.  
And they noticed, they weren’t like before, they weren’t happy.  
After fighting and getting along again they didn’t feel the relieved happiness they felt during their first two years. It was along the lines where Jinyoung didn’t want to talk anymore and Ji Hoon couldn’t care less.  
Their life together started becoming more like a roommate life then two lovers living under the same roof.  
They didn’t want to go home and front each other, when Jinyoung could, he went drinking with his work colleagues not even making it present to Ji Hoon that cooked dinner.  
And when Jinyoung was home, Ji Hoon made it clear that he didn’t want to spend his time with him, going out of the house at the same moment Jinyoung let his feet inside the house. “I’m going to study at the library” was his excuse, well, it wasn’t exactly an excuse he really went to the library, but every time he did, it didn’t feel right. 

One day after not meeting each other voluntary Jinyoung went home not so sober and he didn’t find Ji Hoon.

That night he cried. He fell asleep while crying. 

That night Ji Hoon didn’t feel like going home early, he thought  
<< If he can come home drunk whenever he wants, I’m gonna do the same, I’m no less >>  
He called Woojin asking to hang out, and he knew that calling Woojin would have meant to be low. He simply wanted to have fun with his friend, that Woojin was his ex and that he still had a thing for him never even passed through Ji Hoon mind when he met him.  
Woojin took him to a nice place where they had dinner. Eating out, when was the last time Jinyoung and him did it? He wasn’t able to remember.  
Woojin interrupted his thoughts with his words when he started talking:  
“So, if you called me, did you leave Jinyoung?”  
“Not your business”  
Ji Hoon couldn’t believe his ears, leaving him? Only the thought scared him.  
“Fine, fine princess, when you are ready to talk I’m here”  
“There is nothing to talk about”  
“You are so salty when you have problems”  
After this small, but at the same time big, talk they finished eating talking about more or less their friend’s life and their part-time jobs.  
Right after finishing their dinner they went to a near club to ease the tension with alcohol and dancing.  
Ji Hoon was getting tired of the flirtatious look Woojin had and all the girls and boys that kept hitting on him, at 4 am he went home. And after 6 months he was glad to be there.  
That night Ji Hoon was happy, he did not feel like sleeping. When he went to bed, he hugged Jinyoung from behind and inhaled his good perfume and started thinking.  
Why their relationship ended in this way?  
<< Will we break up son? Is he already tired of me? I don't want to let him go. >> Ji Hoon whispered a desperate “ I love you” and fell into his thoughts again and again, falling deeper into an anxious and scaring hole of fear.  
During the night Jinyoung sensed the other barging into bed along with the touch and the warmth with it. That warmth that he missed. He missed it so much he remembered why he loved it. He listened to it. The whisper Ji Hoon sent to him. The little ‘I love you’ however with it he smelled even the alcohol and the bitterness of someone else perfume on Ji Hoon.  
The seed of doubt was starting to grow on him.

The next morning, they woke up because of Jinyoung alarm and found themselves hugged at each other.  
It felt right.  
They enjoyed 10 minutes without the will to get up.  
For Ji Hoon that 10 minutes flew in a closure of eyes, he hoped with all of his might that moment to never end.  
For Jinyoung that 10 minutes were a rollercoaster of emotions. He was happy at first, the warmth of Ji Hoon body that felt like home, the touch of him that felt like pleasure but the thought of the unknown smell of the day before on his lover body crashed the butterflies he had in his stomach and replaced it with a punch.  
The seed of doubt was getting stronger.  
<< Is he doing this out of remorse? Is this the regret he feels for doing something wrong?>>  
Jinyoung pulled Ji Hoon arms away from him and got up, he went showering hoping that the cold water on his skin would stop his thoughts.

Ji Hoon frowned a bit after the other cold expression and action then he decided to do something good. He went in the kitchen preparing a large breakfast for the two of them, like the first day they went together in the house, while waiting for the other to dry himself.  
“Care to eat something before going?”  
Ji Hoon had mixed feeling, he was trying to be nice but at the same time he was so accustomed to their new kind of sick relationship that his words sounded harsh on his own ears.

Although Jinyoung’s heart, at the vision of the big breakfast and Ji Hoon waiting for him, twisted. Hurting.  
Jinyoung took a sit in front of him and started eating his breakfast not looking at the other one face.  
Ji Hoon took the chance and started talking wearing an embarrassed smile:  
“What are you going to do today?”  
They didn’t have a proper talk since months and still this small talk was the effort Ji Hoon was putting to comeback to a sane relationship.

“I have classes in the morning, lunch, a little study break with Daehwi and work in the evening as always”  
Jinyoung cold as ever was being an ass without reason but he knew it and was doing nothing to change that.

“Are you going to come back late even tonight?”  
Ji Hoon wondered being hopeful to spend a little time with him, or at least to tell him goodnight but the reply at his question was nasty, he did not expect that.

“Do you want me to?”  
That answer was enough to give shiver through Ji Hoon’s spine.  
Jinyoung was rejecting him with some petty sarcasm that implied his own fault.

Ji Hoon choose to not reply the other’s question, instead he kept eating without saying anything more, he was hurt.  
Jinyoung saw into Ji Hoon’s silence, he knew he hurt him.

The seed of doubt easily became a flower that released another seed, the seed of discordance. 

That night Jinyoung came back home early, he didn’t even want to drink.  
The same night Ji Hoon went outside looking for Woojin company again.  
After flirting with a Chinese guy that claimed he was younger than him (something he could not completely believe seen his height) he drank. He drank a lot, coming home the next morning wasted.  
When he entered in the bed he found nobody, at the time of 7 am Jinyoung was already gone. Ji Hoon felt like crying but he didn’t, instead he hugged Jinyoung’s pillow, he felt empty. And the realization hit him like a fire truck, they were going to end their relationship in the near future. One of them had to do it and he didn’t want to be that one so instead of surrendering, he will try harder.

 

It was already the next day when Ji Hoon came home, he fell asleep in deep thought at 8 am and woke up at 1 am, he showered, got ready and went to grocery shopping.  
He bought ingredients for dinner and even some stuff that Jinyoung loved, like coconut yogurt, some chocolate cereals, melon and even some citron candle. When he arrived home, he started cooking dinner and sent a message to Jinyoung.

From: Ji Honey <3  
Jinyoungie, would you mind to come home for dinner?  
I did kimchi bulgogi and bibimbap 

To: Ji Honey <3  
See you later

Ji Hoon was pleased, he finally will have the chance to be with his Jinyoung, he prepared a lovely dinner and had all the good intentions in the world.  
Jinyoung at the same time, he was scared.  
<< Does he feel so guilty?>>  
<< Does he want to talk?>>  
<< I want to run away. >>  
He supposed Ji Hoon was going to tell him something, maybe something bad, he didn’t want to know to it. He wanted to run away from responsibilities, he wanted to escape from the strange situation he will have to face, so he did. He went in front of their door at 10 pm, he was already late and still he didn’t want to go inside, he waited. And waited, and waited even more until 1 am. He passed three hours seated in front of the house door without entering. He was being a coward, nothing more, nothing less.  
When he entered, he found Ji Hoon awake on the couch playing with his phone, he spared him a glance and then he got up and went to sit on the chair near the kitchen table, an emotionless expression, deluded. 

“Did you eat?” 

“I didn’t”

“Let’s eat than”  
Ji Hoon felt a bit relieved, at least he starved but Jinyoung did it too. Something was off. More off than usual. He tried to smile and to lighten up the mood a bit.

“Since its cold now, go wash your hands while I warm up the dishes”

“Thank you”  
Jinyoung murmured without lifting his gaze from the floor and went to the bathroom where he washed his face, his hands, his mind.  
He came back to the kitchen and before sitting he checked the fridge to take a bottle of water and noticed his favourite yogurt instinctively taking it out to eat it.  
Ji Hoon noticed his happy expression but with a rapid move took the yogurt away.  
“Before dinner and then the dessert” said almost laughing at other fake desperate expression.  
Jinyoung took a sit at the other part of the table and took his chopstick to start eating, he was really hungry and he sincerely showed it.  
Happy, that’s how they would express that scene.  
Ji Hoon smiled and started eating too. While chewing some meat he broke the silence food created.  
“How was your day?” 

Jinyoung wasn’t ready.  
Ji Hoon started talking and that definitely meant they were going to upfront some kind of argument later. 

“As usual, Daehwi today complained about Samuel a lot but everything went as always, and yours?”

“I got home really wasted from yesterday, sleep if off some hours and started preparing for this dinner. Do you like it?

In that moment Jinyoung realized this morning he didn’t want to see Ji Hoon, at 6.30 am he was already outside, walked in the city and then started his day with the first class he had in the morning. At 6.30 am Ji Hoon still wasn’t at home. Jinyoung took the bait and asked the words he hoped he never blurt out.  
“I do, What did you do yesterday night?”  
Ji Hoon answered without hesitation:  
“I went with Woojin to eat and then we went to a club to dance it off.” 

Jinyoung felt stupid. While he was trapped every time to follow his co-workers around Ji Hoon was enjoying himself with his ex-boyfriend. He remembered how it was going to a club with Ji Hoon, since he enters people look at him, since he starts dancing people hit on him like bees on honey. 

The seed of doubt that easily became a flower that released the seed of discordance transformed another time, the three of anger and hated. 

“Good for you, I hope you enjoyed your time with you ex and making out with people on the dance floor”  
Jealousy? Can you call this hatred something near jealousy? He stopped eating and faced him.

“Wow, so I can’t go out with my friend while you can come late at home every day not even minding to let me know? Incredible. And I am the one making out with stranger just because I went to dance. Funny. Since you spend your whole day with Daehwi now and to have dinner with you I waited for, how long? 5,6 hours? You are really something, showing this shameless face to me without apologizing”  
Nasty? Ji Hoon didn’t want to look nasty he wanted to show his disappoint and his hurt pride.  
Jinyoung laugh a bitter and sarcastic laugh before taking his jacket and going out.  
“Thanks for the dinner darling”

“Yeah, great, run away as I have some disease, you won’t even face me. Grow up a little Bae Jinyoung” Ji Hoon found himself screaming at the other closing the front door. He couldn’t believe him. He made it like everything was his fault and didn’t even turn back. He run away. As always. Jinyoung couldn’t face him or this situation and this feeling of betrayal with the accusation of being unfaithful was something he did not deserve. Ji Hoon didn’t do anything wrong, his mind was always anywhere but with Jinyoung while talking with Woojin, Guanjin or Guanlin and the people that hit on him. He wanted to be with Jinyoung every time. He got wasted because he was scared of their relationship ending and now he got the confirmation. He could not go on with this. 

From Ji Honey <3  
Let’s break up


	2. Fake it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The after break up is always tough, but once you stand up again nobody will pull you down if you don't give them the possibility.  
> And when you realize that the other one was always more than enough, the problem become that you never noticed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> important stuff:  
> I'm citing the Divine Comedy and I did the transliteration but here we have the english translation I found online:  
> "Love, which permits no loved one not to love"

Ji Hoon cried that night, he cried like he never did. He took some clothes, put them in his bag and went home, at his parents. He couldn’t handle staying in their house, alone. The house of good memories, of the excitement to live together, the house of the problems, the house of the turning point.

Jinyoung didn’t know where to go, his only option was Daehwi at some point so he went with the flow.  
While he was going at his friend’s house he received the message.  
He cried. He screwed everything.  
When Daehwi opened, his door found a crying baby that jumped into his embrace.  
He never saw Jinyoung so desperate, he didn’t ask, opened his arms, patted his head and guided him to bed with him e kept caressing the other head. 

 

The next day was a new day.  
Jinyoung wanted to think of it like that. He asked Daehwi if he could use his spare bed for some time, the other nodded smiling, happy to have a roommate.

Ji Hoon closed himself, he didn’t eat for days, his mom arrived at the point of feeding him in his bed, his new house. He didn’t want to exit his bed if not to go to the bathroom. He couldn’t believe he left Jinyoung, he couldn’t believe they ended this way, that way, with a message in a moment of anger. After three weeks of letting himself go he decided to start anew, and every time he wanted to talk with Jinyoung he took a notebook and wrote what he needed to as a letter he will never send. He made request to work in the library he loved so much studying and was accepted, he frequented his classes at college daily without missing one lesson.  
Unluckily for him, he found out one of his classes coincided with Daehwi. He called it even and got over it, avoiding in every way to be near the boy.  
He met that Guanlin guy in a coffee shop once and they became inseparable friends.  
After six weeks of his break up with Jinyoung he started living again, enjoying himself, ignoring the emptiness he felt and filling it with writing to Jinyoung everything he wanted to. He started making new friends, creating relationships with his library co-workers and entered Guanlin’s group of friends. He felt happy, again even thought something was missing, he kept paying for the house rent not wanting to take his other stuff back, leaving everything there as a storage room.

Jinyoung life after the break up was from his point of view miserable. He came back to their house only once after a week to take some of his clothes and found it as when he left. He cleaned the kitchen table, the bedroom, the bathroom, adjusted the couch and with a sad smile of realization he went back to Daehwi’s place.  
He found his life without Ji Hoon lacking. The doubt of Ji Hoon betraying him harder on his skin. Did he make Ji Hoon run away? Was it his fault at the end?  
If Ji Hoon betrayed him, it meant that he himself was lacking. People always blame the other for betrayal without realizing that if the other betrayed you, maybe, at end of the day, deep down inside, It is because you weren’t enough.  
Jinyoung kept his life as it was before, going to classes, studying, working.  
Well, working isn’t the best word to describe it, if he wasn’t studying he was working, if he wasn’t sleeping he was working, he took even his colleague’s shifts and every night he went drinking in he pub near his work, with his co-workers or not. Every time he came home, Daehwi assisted at the same scene.  
Jinyoung crying, silently or not, he was crying, every night. After three weeks the crying became only drunk blabbering about how Ji Hoon was gorgeous, how Ji Hoon cared for him, how he treated him in the worst ways possible, how he wasn’t enough for him.  
Daehwi decided one day after a month of a wasted Jinyoung to take the full control of the situation. He had a desperate argument with Jinyoung and told him to change job or he won’t have him in his house anymore. I mean, Jinyoung wasn’t even paying the rent to him so at least he should have listened to what he had to say. He couldn’t just overwork himself, get drunk, suffer and studying, it was a full sick never ending circle and he needed to do something for his friend.  
Jinyoung did as Daehwi said, he quit his office work and found a job in a station café. He found one of his co-workers had a crush on him after two weeks and decided to give her a go. The problem was that, this Soyou girl was annoying. The most annoying person he could think of. Every time she did some aegyo he felt sick and thought of his ex. And she was full of a bubbly and cute personality that would have been really a match for him if he didn’t already found his cute match, in Ji Hoon. After three weeks of enduring his new hypocrite relationship he had enough and left her as he left the work, not standing anymore her way of excluding him with the other colleagues. At least Jinyoung with all the money he made during this two months he could effort alone to pay the second month rent of the house. Still too attached to let that fake thinking of he and Ji Hoon happiness they created at the beginning.  
After the break up days went by, night of thinking of Ji Hoon went as well, some night went with the flow of tears flowing out of his eyes other just with bitterness on his tongue.  
He realized he couldn’t forget Ji Hoon. This thought hunted him giving him nightmares as weeks passed. He was sure Ji Hoon was his other half, but he wasn’t ready to really admit it with the consequences of dealing with it. He never answered the other’s message and this being a coward, not wanting confrontation with him about their break up gave him anger, at himself. He was angry, mad, scattered. He was his own problem, his enemy. Maybe if they talked after the message, maybe if he was just a bit more apprehensive, more thoughtful, more open, they wouldn’t have ended that way.  
\- You never know- he said to himself many times, you never know.

Every day was a new day of going deep down into himself and his problems trying to deal with them, at least he was trying. One day Daehwi brought up the fact that he had a lesson in common with Ji Hoon and regretted saying it immediately because Jinyoung started asking him every day if they perhaps talked or interacted. Jinyoung was thirsty to know more about Ji Hoon current situation.  
So every time Daehwi saw Ji Hoon he had to give Jinyoung a precise report of his doing during the class. 

 

Ji Hoon felt observed, watched, stalked? Every time he had biology he felt someone stare on him. He didn’t know who he was until one day the professor called out Daehwi asking him to stop staring at his lover at the other part of the classroom and to pay attention. Ji Hoon realized. Daehwi was the one staring at him.  
Daehwi was the one giving him shivers. He wasn’t sure how to take it, like, why his ex-boyfriend’s best friend was looking at him? What does he want from him? Once after class Daehwi came closer to him and perceiving it, he walked the fastest he could to get out of that situation. When he arrived at home he adjourned his diary once again.  
“I think he wanted to talk to me today. I’m nervous, what does he want from me? Does he want to fight about how I left you??? I thought we were over it, after two full months, what does he want????”  
Ji Hoon felt intimidated so the week after he skip the Biology class.  
-I can’t let Jinyoung and his friend control me every time, Ji Hoon, you must raise yourself above them and running away from biology is not the right thing to do in this moment- He swore at himself and tried to handle this situation. He asked Guanlin to came and pick him up for the next week biology class.

_The biology class went as planned, Daehwi checking on Ji Hoon every now and then but this time Ji Hoon watched him directly in the eyes._

_From Samuel’s Daehwi  
Jinyoung-ah, Ji Hoon is looking at me more than I am, what should I do?_

_To Samuel’s lover  
What do you mean??? He is not the type… Don’t be paranoid_

_But Daehwi wasn’t being paranoid, Ji Hoon wanted to front the situation with an open face and so… He did. If Daehwi stares at him, why can’t he stare back?_  
So, this time was Daehwi the one feeling seen, uncomfortable, watched. And even after that he still went to Ji Hoon at finished lesson to talk with him, but this time he wasn’t alone, he was waiting for him but with another guy at his back, he didn’t recognize him as Woojin so he was a bit startled at first but still went.  
<< Jinyoung is struggling for him and he already found a replacement incredible>> Ji Hoon while facing Daehwi was the first to talk. 

_“What do you want?”_

_“I just-”_

_Ji Hoon cut him off without wavering and came out a bit too much but he could do nothing about it._  
“If you want to talk about Jinyoung, forget it, if you want anything else you are more than welcome to come to me whenever you want”  
Daehwi was left speechless from the other rude behaviour, well it wasn’t rude, he was just too direct for him to handle. 

_“May I ask who is him and to help me with study?”  
Daehwi thought  << If you can’t beat them, befriend with them>>_

_“None of your business who he is but I will be pleased to help my hoobae with study” Ji Hoon was_

_“Then, tomorrow morning at the library?”_

_“Call, from 10.30am to 12 o’clock because I work during lunch hours tomorrow. Guanlin-ah let’s go you shouldn’t blend with him too much”  
“Yes hyung!” _

_Daehwi was still shocked, when he called Jinyoung_

_JY: Daehwi-ah, what’s the matter?_  
DH: Dunno know how but tomorrow morning I’m meeting with Ji Hoon hyung  
JY: What the hell?  
DH: Don’t tell me, I have a lesson during those hours  
JY: Did he talk to you asking to study?  
DH: Something like that I’ll tell you later, see ya 

\- How did this happen-

Daehwi was incredulous but a little tiny part of him was filled with a thrilling expectation, he will have a full hour and half to talk with Ji Hoon about his best friend’s suffering status and since he never got a chance to befriend with him maybe this could be his jackpot. Ji Hoon is that kind of real pretty hyung, Daehwi always wanted to get close to but with Jinyoung unending jealousy he couldn’t, like every time Daehwi and Ji Hoon talked more than 5 minutes even by mistakes, Jinyoung would have interrupted them with some shitty remarks about their awkward relationship, well, they wouldn’t have an awkward relationship if they could only hang out some more.  
Daehwi always looked after Ji Hoon, like a role model, if Ji Hoon wore bright t-shirts, in the next few days Daehwi would show up with some light-coloured t-shirt, if Ji Hoon liked sweet coffee then Daehwi would have loved it too.  
It wasn’t because he was attracted by Ji Hoon, Daehwi was attracted to every attention Ji Hoon got for his behaviour and his pretty face, Daehwi wanted it too.  
He never fully understood why people went naturally to Ji Hoon, for everything.  
Was this only because of his looks? Daehwi couldn’t tell. Ji Hoon always attired every kind of people that always wanted to befriend or more with him. That’s why when after he saw Jinyoung with him twice and had the news they were together he was shocked. Jinyoung fell for him naturally after three months of hanging out and Ji Hoon, he, he just didn’t reject him. Ji Hoon rejected more than half of the college and then he and Jinyoung just got into a relationship? How is it even possible? Why Jinyoung? Why Jinyoung too with Ji Hoon like everybody?  
Now, he was never in love with Jinyoung or Ji Hoon he was just jealous, of their relationship, how they clicked together, how they felt like a married loving each other couple.  
All his strange thoughts of Ji Hoon and his best friend went shading when he received Samuel’s confession. Samuel was handsome, pretty smart, loving, careful and being loved by him fitted his whole love-concept he had so, as Francesca of Dante’s Divine Comedy said ‘Amor che null’ho amato amar perdona’. (Love, which permits no loved one not to love)  
That means, the love that you don’t love will be forgiven by love, love forgives the love you don’t give and just makes you love the other part.  
In his case Samuel, Samuel gave him the love he wanted and felt just as natural as the leaves falling in autumn loving him back. Samuel made him feel completed, a better person, he gave him all the attention he needed and never got tired of giving him. So, he made him forget about all his doubts about Ji Hoon, because it didn’t worry him anymore being took care of. But now that the JinHoon relationship crashed, he was curious even more than before.  
When Daehwi got home that day he created and told some excuses to Jinyoung of how he got the chance to talk to Ji Hoon once more and got ready psychologically to face him the next day.

_The next day time with Ji Hoon went incredibly fast and as he got the chance to be explained the last three biology chapters their time went to an end. Daehwi didn’t speak of Jinyoung. Not even once. Did he not want to talk about him or did he just haven’t got enough time? He wasn’t sure, but as Ji Hoon was ready to leave for his part-time job, Daehwi found out his work was exactly where they were, in the library and since Daehwi felt greedier than ever he just said_  
“Can we meet once more? I need help with analysis”  
With a bright smile that felt like the knife of realization on Daehwi’s heart Ji Hoon just answered:  
“We can meet in two days since I’ve got this shift on work!”  
Daehwi nodded smiling and went to have lunch with Samuel.  
He understood. He now understood everyone.  
Ji Hoon’s charms, they are just limitless. When you feel like you have found a flaw on him, that flaw quickly become another charm, a never-ending attraction for his personality and his smart mind. He finally got a taste of what draw people onto Ji Hoon direction and he wanted to be as well in his orbit.  
Having lunch with Samuel that day felt even more tastier, he got the chance to tell him his thoughts of Ji Hoon and that he couldn’t hate him even after leaving Jinyoung in that way.  
When Daehwi arrived at home with Jinyoung wanting an explanation of his encounter with Ji Hoon, Daehwi lied. He didn’t want to tell Jinyoung his happiness and that he couldn’t brag himself to talk about their break up because he was more into his private biology lesson. He simply told Jinyoung:  
“When I started talking about you, Ji Hoon quietly told me to stop and after saying that you missed him, he went away”  
For him it was a white lie, but he didn’t know that once you start lying, you keep lying until you can’t hide anymore. With this simple lie, he got off his shoulder Jinyoung, and he could meet Ji Hoon in the next days without telling him. He felt a bit evil for his wrongdoing under Jinyoung’s back, but he didn’t want to ruin his moment with his new ‘acquired’ friend, Ji Hoon.  
The next few days went as expected, Daehwi and Ji Hoon met without problems, they became something more like friends than just teacher and students and they even decided to go out one evening.  
Daehwi told Jinyoung he was going out with Samuel, but he omitted there were even Ji Hoon and some of his friends with them.  
After eating and drinking some alcohol everybody loosened, so when Samuel asked Ji Hoon the same question Daehwi did days ago, it didn’t feel out of place and everybody just answered.  
“Ji Hoon hyung but are you and Guanlin-ie together?” 

_Ji Hoon started laughing at his question and Guanlin dared to answer:  
“Saying that we are together is an insult to our relationship!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is me..  
> again..  
> Setsuka is here with another trash chapter that I don't even know how could i came up with this so ... spare me (...)  
> I want to say that my favourite character in the whole story actually is Daehwi. I don't know if I portrayed him the way he deserves but his personality in my mind is just so, so, so complicated and desperate that i love him.  
> Now, please, give me feedback... or I dont know how long will it take for me to finish the next chapter. What do you think beautiful girls and boys that are reading this? Tell me pls.  
> As i always want to remember english is not my mother tongue so when is too off tell me pls! And I didnt read it before publishing so i dont know how many errors there are (...)


	3. Voice in me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here I go, I need to confess this  
> I've been scared for so long and you have been the witness  
> I know you're looking for some answers  
> But I still lie awake at night wondering who I really am  
> Over and over and over again it speaks to me  
> There's a voice inside me, the only child that was left alone
> 
> I know that you're hurt  
> Your cries are so loud  
> One day I'll be the one to make you proud  
> Maybe for your sake I'll just walk away  
> 'Cause I can't watch you drown in the flood of me
> 
> Here I sit in the dark, defenseless  
> I'm saying sorry in my head for the things I've done to the ones I love  
> I surrendered myself long ago  
> But there's something that's inside of me  
> It's too strong and takes a hold  
> Over and over and over again it speaks to me  
> There's a voice inside me, the only child that was left alone
> 
> Saint Asonia - Voice in me

“What the hell are you saying Guanlin-ah? Well, we ARE together but not the way you are thinking! You silly”  
Ji Hoon said looking at the disbelief expression Samuel and Daehwi just made, and then Guanlin and him looked into each other eyes laughing together at their relationship, and Guanlin continued with his speech:  
“Ji Hoon Hyung, is my… hyung! Is like my role model in life, I want to be like him and when I told him that, he just said with an incredulous expression on his face > Then become the cute little dongsaeng that I always wanted! <”

“I never thought that I could be a role model to someone! And Guanlin-ie, he really listens to me when I’m facing problems and is always by my side, so if I can help him a little with styling his clothes than its just fine!” 

 

Daehwi couldn’t believe his ears. Guanlin obtained what he always wanted to accomplish by just saying it. He laughed not for the others status but for the irony of the situation he just saw. All the insecurities he had about his relationship with the older washed away with just a phrase. He should have just enjoyed himself with Ji Hoon a little more without having all his heavy thoughts like, Ji Hoon is a person, like him. Not some kind of god. He thought so high of the other losing focus on what really mattered, creating a friendship with him. << I’m so Hopeless >> he thought thinking about his current situation. 

“So, Ji Hoon Hyung, can’t I be your dongsaeng too?” Daehwi said pouting and Ji Hoon answer was just as bright as the sun with his smile.

“Daehwi-ah! But you are already my dongsaeng and since years! I just thought you didn’t like me at all!”

<< Ah So every time there was tension between us, he was convinced I was building a wall and that I didn’t like him, amazing. >>

“Nooo, that’s not true! It’s just that Jinyoung is so jealous he never let me become close to you!” 

 

“Aigoo, Our Jinyoungie is always the problem for me lately”

“Oh, I’m sorry hyung, I shouldn’t have said his name” 

“No, It’s fine! I’m not excluding him from my life or erasing him!”  
Ji Hoon said with a beautiful smile hiding the big scar on his heart along with his regret. 

Samuel hugged Daehwi from behind and tried to get the mood high again suggesting a cheer for everyone’s future. 

 

That night when Daehwi went home, he couldn’t face Jinyoung, he went to bed with all his thoughts giving him headache. He lied to himself, he lied to him, he never spoke the truth, not even once about how he felt about his lover, he was a real asshole, the best hypocrite. 

Another week of meeting Ji Hoon while hiding went by, when once he noticed Ji Hoon after the lesson dropped something.  
Daehwi curious couldn’t not notice and open the small block notes hoping to find some notes about the last lesson they didn’t have the time to revisit.  
Unluckily for him, what he found when opening the block was a first page full of tears mark with the first phrase saying ‘ Dear Jinyoung’.  
This did not go unnoticed.  
Was that Ji Hoon hyung personal diary?  
Every page starting with ‘ Dear Jinyoung’ ‘Dear Jinyoungie’ gave shivers through Daehwi’s spine. Who should he give it back to?  
Should he be the asshole he is and gave it back to Ji Hoon? While he too is probably suffering for Jinyoung and his situation.  
Or Should he be a good friend for Jinyoung and tell him the truth after all? 

Daehwi spent the next two days with the diary in his back pack.

Ji Hoon spent the next two days frightened as hell not finding his precious diary, many knew Jinyoung, even more knew him, they could make fun of him for his entire life, his most vulnerable part, his most wounded piece of mind and heart written in a diary. << How could I have been so stupid? >> Ji Hoon was scared. Waiting for whatever he could expect.  
After he couldn’t handle himself more than he already did, he called the only one he could trust.

JH: Guanlin-ah  
GL: Hyung! What’s wrong? Are you crying?  
JH: Guanlin-ah, I lost- I lost my diary.  
GL: Hyung don’t worry, everybody lose it once or twice, its nothing to get bother about  
JH: No Guanlin You don’t understand, I wrote, I wrote everything on that book, everything about me and Jinyoung  
GL: Where are you?  
JH: At the library  
GL: I’m coming

 

Daehwi didn’t know, he didn’t know if he made the right choice, but he did it anyway.

“Jinyoung-ah, can we talk for a bit?”  
“Daehwi tell me hurry, I have to go to work”  
“It’s better if for today you don’t go..”  
“Oh God, what’s wrong? Are you and Samuel fighting?”  
“It’s not about me, It’s about Ji Hoon Hyung”

Jinyoung picked his phone from his pocket and dialled his work number telling his supervisor he wouldn’t come for today shift.  
“Now tell me.”  
“If you promise to not to be angry at me first”  
“Why would I??”  
Jinyoung said with an incredulous expression, not ready for what his friend was going to say.  
“Actually, I lied to you.  
I lied to you all this time.  
You know the first time I went to study with him, at the library?”

“Lie-? Yes, I remember”

“Well, actually, I didn’t have the chance to talk with Ji Hoon about you.. We just studied all the time.. and we met again after that many other times and I never told you” 

“So? What’s wrong? Did you leave Samuel for him? Are you telling me you are a thing with him now?”  
Jinyoung tried to be as calm as possible noticing the other nervous state along with his scared puppy face.

“ NO. NO. What are you saying... I just... I found something that happen to be Ji Hoon’s ... and… this something is like a diary I think and it has your name on it… so … I thought I could do the right thing for once”  
Daehwi said handing Jinyoung the block notes and running away from his room to leave the other alone without giving him the chance to reply.

Jinyoung took the diary and started to read it, seeing the first page ruined from tears made his tears already found his way through his eyes.  
‘Dear Jinyoung’  
It was enough for him to cry, many, infinite tears again.

“Dear Jinyoung,  
how are you?  
Two weeks ago, I left you and you didn’t even call me back, so I think this is really the end. I’m sad. I can’t stop thinking about you. I understood that just thinking about you is a bit lame so I’m starting this kind of diary to tell you everything, well, tell you is a bit wrong. You will never read this anyway luckily.  
I felt like shit for two weeks. I couldn’t even eat and my mother had to feed me. It was really horrible, I did something really horrible to her, making her see me in this state but how could I not? You aren’t in my life anymore and I’m not sure I can handle this. I’m upset. And sad. And angry.  
Why didn’t you call me back? Am I not even worth it?  
The last two weeks were like hell. Waiting for you to come back to me waiting for life to tell me this is a terrible joke.  
I still can’t believe it .  
After the first months in the house something started going wrong. Maybe it was me, maybe it was you, I really don’t know and don’t care about it anymore.  
We started avoiding each other, treating ourselves like shit.  
No more good morning kiss,  
no more goodnight,  
no more stolen kisses while going to our shift at work or classes,  
no more ‘ Let’s go out to eat I want to take you to some good place’  
no more ‘ I have to tell you something that happened today, you won’t believe me’  
no more ‘ I want to hug you yobo’ with a small peck on my nose  
no more ‘ I love you my little prince’  
no more ‘ I wanted to hug you since this morning hyung **’  
no more ‘ Lets live hugged. I don’t want to let you go’  
no more ‘ The cinema is waiting for us this movie just went out’  
no more ‘Look, that star looks like you hyung! But you are better, you are in my heart!’  
no more ‘If that guy looks at you again I’m gonna kill him’  
no more ‘ tokkbokkhi night?’  
no more ‘ Put some music on I wanna dance with you’

I’m hurt.  
If I think of all our happy memories I feel like my heart can’t stop pounding for you full of love, but then something went wrong along the way and my heart twists and aches at the thought of it. Why did we reduce ourselves like this?  
When I realized what kind of sick relationship we created It was too late.  
We started being together out of habit, not even caring for each other anymore, avoiding to be together, leaving the house to not think ‘ aah If I’m home I will have to talk to him’  
We started growing sick of each other but we couldn’t completely talk about it because we knew we would have started our biggest fight and we didn’t want to. So we ended this way. You doing whatever you want and me writing to you all my feeling because I was a coward and I couldn’t tell you directly.  
I couldn’t tell you how much I missed you  
How much I missed spending time with you ‘cause even if we were in the same house I felt alone.  
I wanted to be with you but at the same time You would have rejected me like you did at the end and all my fears becoming real, I couldn’t handle it.  
I never wanted to send you away. I was just angry because I was trying. I was trying hard to come back to our happy relationship and you kept pulling me away. And I couldn’t stand it anymore. Why do we have to be together if we just hurt each other? It didn’t made sense in my eyes so I thought once for all to leave you. It hasn’t passed a second without me regretting my choice. I did not try enough. I blamed myself for two whole weeks. And I feel like writing it will make it feel even more real.  
Ok for today I became miserable enough. I hope the pages aren’t too wet. Ah Ji Hoon-ah can you stop being a mess?  
Good night Jinyoungie  
Ps: I want to peck you with a little kiss on you forehead, but I’m afraid I can’t.  
Your hopeless ex-boyfriend.” 

 

“Dear Jinyoungiee  
My darling, how are you living? Do you miss me?  
Well because I do. I miss you so much now. I start crying during the night and I wake up because I dream about us being happy. What a stupid I am. At least I admit it. Today I sent a request to the library to work there. I left the restaurant job.. well more like they fired me since I didn’t show up for two weeks.  
But Its fine now I’m happy with this other job. I’m a bit of a stupid you know? I’m working because I don’t want to leave our house. I’m paying constantly the whole rent. And still, I’m happy about it. When I’m too down I still can think about our house and our happy memories there. I’m such a fool. I’m sorry.  
I was always a fool.  
I’m regretting so much going to the library to study when I could have been with you. I think this is a self-punishment for me. That’s why I’m enjoying it. I feel less pitiful in there. Hello masochism my old friend should be played in the background.  
BUT  
Lets keep it real here.  
Are you keeping yourself informed??  
Seventeen made a comeback… named ‘ I don’t wanna cry’  
And nothing, It made me cry because I don’t want to so I started crying and laughing at the same time while watching the mv. Aigoo Ji Hoon-ah stoop crying.  
I wonder when will I finish all the tears I have shaved. And the worst part is that, this is my fault... that I’m crying and that I’m like this and that we are like this. I should really stop. You know every time I come back home I pass through the park, our park, the one we shyly first kissed, I take the long way home just to enjoy that memory. It is part of me you know, I saved you in my heart and it just doesn’t let me go over you easily.  
I can’t believe every time I told you ‘ne maeum so ge jeojang’ I really did it and strongly… But it’s fine I can handle this feeling for you. It’s coming to a state where I can face other people talking about love without crying so I’m almost at the end of my pain, so that I can remember only good things! <3  
Good night Jinyoungiee  
PS: I miss you more every day but not in the clingy way just, I want you at least as a friend but I don’t have the courage to tell you……….. ops so my fault again.”

“Good evening my dear Jinyoungie,  
How was your day? Are you living fine without me, right?  
Because I’m trying to do it too! I met the guy I met at a club with Woojin. He is really nice actually, as a friend obviously, what were you thinking about?  
By the way, you know I never betrayed you, right?  
That nights Woojin was my only friend I could think of, that’s why I called him.  
The first evening when we went eating out, I couldn’t stop thinking about you, I think it would have been better to be there with you rather than with Woojin.. I think we should try that place out together again, It’s named ‘Burn it up’ because they cook meat in a big huge place with fire in the centre of the restaurant and you can choose which one you want as a steak and then they put it really nicely in the plate, it’s really lovely!!!  
So I was saying every second I spent with Woojin I thought of you... when we went to the first club people were annoying as always so when I was tired I run home and hugged you but you were sleeping so you didn’t notice… I even told you that I love you. That night breathing your smell really gave me strength. When I woke up I didn’t want to let you go but I had too T_T  
I miss a lot your hugs <3  
Good Night my sweetheart <3  
Ps: If I think about how much I miss you I can only think about Adele phrase  
‘Time is supposed to heal you but It ain’t done much healing”  
I can feel life laughing at me for all the times we played this song laughing and doing parodies about it.”

“Good morning honey,  
Today will be a good day.  
I’m going out with Guanlin and his friends!! Finally, I’m not that much alone. I feel relieved! But did you know? I share a class with Daehwi. And I can’t believe it... well if I frequented at least once and not just giving the exams maybe I would have noticed him before…  
He is a bit creepy. I think he stares at me during classes but I’m avoiding him at my best. I feel so jealous like he still sees you and can talk to you and I can’t so... ew  
I hate him… jk I hate myself more lol  
Is he doing it on purpose? Does he want to show off that he knows you?? He really pisses me off with his ‘ I know him face’. Help me. I can’t do anything about this feeling.  
Whatever  
Good night my dear <3  
Slowly I’m writing less about my feeling and more about my days...ops.. maybe that’s what I always wanted to tell you, silly things about my day and stuff like that.  
I’m becoming so hopeless as days passes by, I can’t get you out of my head. Maybe I should meet even more people…? Dunno.  
Talk to you soon yobo”

“Jinyoungieee  
Something strange happened today… I’m a bit concerned. You know, your friend Daehwi, your beloved one, the one you preferred spend time with instead of me, well,he… I think he wanted to talk to me today, the professor even called him out because he caught him staring at me. I’m nervous,If he really wants to speak with me, what the hell does he want? Does he want to fight with how I left you???  
I thought we were over it, after three months, what does he want????  
Why everything around, remind me of you? Isn’t it enough that I see you every time passing through the park, that everything I did once with you remind me of you? How is this even possible?? T_T  
My head hurts with the imagine of you and my heart aches too because of it.  
I hope in some more months to get over you. I will leave you and our story as my most precious memory deep inside my heart, but please don’t make me suffer anymore, I want to think only about good things with you  
Let’s see how long still will take for me to get over our painful memories…  
Good night Youngie”

 

“Dear Jinyoungie,  
Do you know what happened? Well, probably you do since Daehwi is always around you, well, I’m going out sometimes with him, like I help him with studying and this stuff, he is really good with difficult stuff but doesn’t get the easy ones easily, Daehwi is strange, like really strange! I had to explain to him 4 times something for me really easy and the next chapter he just explained it to me without me talking!  
Is he a genius? Is he stupid? I will never understand it.  
Btw we are going out tomorrow night with Gualin’s friends and Samuel and him! I think It will be fun. I hope so(…)  
Whenever I see him I keep thinking of you, Am I just punishing myself even more every day??  
What the hell Ji Hoon keep you shit together.  
Now I have to go.. Talk to ya later darling”

 

“JinYoung-ah  
Yesterday, I went out with the others… remember? Guanlin, Samuel, Daehwi and everyone..  
So.. Daehwi said that since you are so jealous we never had the chance to be friends… Do you think he is right? Like I noticed you dividing us when we were too close, but I always thought it was because you didn’t want me to blend with your friends too much… were you really jealous? Like you thought ‘I don’t want Daehwi and Ji Hoon to be friends because they will exclude me?’  
If this was really the matter I’m going to beat ya!!! How can we exclude you? Now maybe I’m building things in my mind but … I can right?  
I’m a bit happy about thinking of you being jealous.  
I want to make all your insecurities go away! I wanted I think, I’m not sure anymore … well  
Even though we are not together I feel like I loved you after all… and I still do.  
It’s not like I can tell my heart to stop loving you and then all my feelings will just disappear. It would be just too much, love doesn’t work this way. But I’m hopeful you forgot me by now. I’m hopeful you are living the life you deserve. For all the times I wanted to beat you during these months I can’t wish just for bad things to happen to you. You were my joy. My small, cute Jinyoungie, and I always hope for the best for you <3  
I have to go.. Don’t want to.. Work and study is killing me but I have to If I want to come back to our house before or after to take all my stuff that’s still in there.  
Bye bye my darling, talk to ya soon Jinyoungie”

 

 

<< How could I be so selfish all these months? >>  
Was the only thing Jinyoung could think of, after reading all the pages Ji Hoon wrote.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Girl let me know, Girl let me know~~  
> Always leave me a comment about what you do think my trasures~  
> So It's almost the end... and I'm so so sooo sad :(  
> I really grew affectionate of all these characters .. I can' believe I won't write about them anymore :'(  
> Maybe one day I will write some side stories, like the winkdeep relationship at the real start... some dates.. a bit of daehwi\samuel  
> or maybe an happy ending for Guanlin.. with who?  
> Well, if you like the idea give me some securities with some kudos or comments maybe, I will really appreciate that <3


	4. I always knew that you'd come back to get me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So take my hand  
> I don't understand  
> How they kept us apart for so long  
> And smile so I can see  
> That it's really you in front of me  
> 'Cause that's still so hard to believe
> 
> Saint Asonia - Waste my time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> READ PLS  
> this is ending and my heart is aching, give me strenght.  
> I still feel like I can't leave them so... follow the serie since I will release the whole Ji Hoon diary soon.  
> Also, give me a lot of feedback even here and start reading the prequel! [ I'll do whatever it takes to be the mistake you can't live without ]  
> And... tell me what you think my babies <3

"Ji hoon-ah  
I don’t want to sound cheesy as hell but I might have done something you didn't want me to...  
And I came at the conclusion that I need to meet you. I will be waiting for you at the park."  
The next morning after being called by his mother, Ji Hoon went downstairs to have breakfast with her but instead his mother handed him the bouquet of flowers with the letter.  
Ji Hoon read the piece of paper becoming pale.  
<< This handwriting, is Jinyoung's one. >>  
Is he still waiting for me? He looked at his watch, it was 7 am.  
" It arrived yesterday evening but I forgot to tell you about it "  
" Thanks mom"  
Ji Hoon said while hurrying outside and going to the park. Arrived at the park a strange feeling of sorrow was filling his chest.  
<< Am I late? >>  
After entering the park, he noticed a familiar figure sitted on a bench, when he arrived closer he noticed Jinyoung with his eyes closed, he took his jacket and he put it on Jinyoung chest not wanting to wake him up.  
He sat near him sighing in relief and watching close the face he missed so much looking at.  
He did not want to interrupt the quiet and peaceful moment they were in.  
Being real careful he kissed in the most pure and caste way Jinyoung cheek, and when Jinyoung slowly opened his eyes and looked Ji Hoon's way.  
Ji Hoon jumped in surprise taking a few steps away from the other. 

"Ji Hoon stop, don't go away"  
Without saying a word Ji Hoon went sitting near him again.

" I need to talk to you "

Ji Hoon nodded without speaking.

" I- I am sorry  
I am sorry It took me so long, I'm sorry for creating this situation between us, I'm sorry I-"

" For what? And what did you do without my permission?"

"I might have read something you did not want me to... I have your diary... I read it, all. I read all the stuff you wrote and I’m thankful ”

“What the hell Jinyoung, why do you have it? I lost it three days ago”

“No, wait. Don’t get upset, let me explain everything please, I want to get over this matter, that we don’t talk at all. Just listen to me”

Jinyoung said while grabbing Ji Hoon’s wrist, Ji Hoon closed his lips and got ready to listen to whatever Jinyoung wanted to tell him.

 

“I shouldn’t have run away that night. I was a coward, I was scared of how things between us turned out. I was scared you were tired of me and all these thoughts of you not wanting to be with me destroyed me from the inside. I got even more insecure and I wanted to give you space and It turned out I fucked it all.

I know that right now I’m in no position to tell you this but, I want to start over again. After reading what you wrote I understood that as I was insecure you were too and the lack of explaining ourselves to each other got us to a point of no return.  
I tried during these months to understand why we didn’t work, I tried to get over you, I tried everything, but everything has your name written on it.  
And I want you to know, I want you to understand that I really do love you. I never stopped.  
Ji Hoon, for me you are, you are the place I always want to go back to. You are the feeling of warmth that home mean. Wherever you are, is where my home is, where I feel safe.  
This period of not having contact with you made me finally understand what losing you would mean and I’m not ready to accept it. I want to fight for you.  
I want to fight for our relationship. I’m nothing without you.”  
Ji Hoon couldn’t stand anymore seeing Jinyoung aching for this situation and hugged him, he was overwhelmed with the other’s feelings and felt warm tears running out his eyes, he didn’t have enough strength to be hard to get, he missed the other. He felt their hug matched like two pieces of the same puzzle and meant more than their first “I love you”.  
They made a mistake,  
they realized it,  
they never lose hope,  
they fought for each other,  
they overcame their suffocating pride.  
Like parallel lines they have moved away from each other, started to create a new life for themselves but at the end they came closer again finding the same goal written in each other eyes.

“Ji Hoon hyung, I’m lost in you, and I think that after all, together we are better than apart.” 

Jinyoung left a light peck on Ji Hoon forehead, as if he was asking for forgiveness, he was asking the authorisation to kiss the other, he was asking if he will have another chance despite everything.

“Hyung”  
Jinyoung looked into Ji Hoon’s watery eyes and with his thumb lightly touched Ji Hoon’s cheek to dry a tear that wanted to run away, full of pain and sorrow and relief in the renewed hope.

“Jinyoung-ah… I- I think I want to try again but I’m not sure”  
Ji Hoon said looking into the other eyes and then looking at the ground, why was he so uncertain? Why was he scared of a new future shattered into pieces when it did not even begin.

“I loved you after all, and I still do, but I’m so rotten right now, I don’t want to hurry things, I don’t want to say something I don’t truly mean, I don’t want us to get hurt another time-”

“Instead I want. I want to get hurt as many times as I can if in the end it will mean to be back with you.

For you It’s worth it. It’s worth to try again. It’s worth to fail and to get up again. I don’t want to lose you, I want to create something better with you. My answer is you, yesterday, now and even tomorrow.

Hyung, have faith in us.

Give us time.”

Ji Hoon took a deep breath and held Jinyoung’s hand looking at the two hands together, finger intertwined together.

“Promise me that you won’t leave me behind again with things that trouble you. I want to be present Jinyoungie..”

Jinyoung at that point kissed the other hand in his and said those words, the ones that would have started something new, something different, something better, something theirs: a seal.

“I promise”

A whole new adventure waited for them, a new beginning.

 

“Hyung, do you wanna date me?”

“I do”

“I mean tomorrow, after a shower, do you want to go on a date with me?”

“Silly, take a shower first and then ask me out, tomorrow, at 1 o’clock, in front of my house.”  
Ji Hoon took the chance to say while holding the other hand and swinging it with his.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next day Jinyoung went in front of Ji Hoon’s mother house with a tulip, clear declaration of the love he felt for his hyung.  
Ji Hoon went to open the door as soon as he listened to the sound of his door bell.

“Jinyoung, I still have to brush my teeth, you are too punctual as always.”

The younger without speaking a word gave the latter the flower smiling and whispering “I’ll wait here”, Ji Hoon almost hiding his smile got his flower and went to get ready, in less than five minutes he got out the house with a small package and gave it to Jinyoung.  
“Whats this?”  
“Open it” Ji Hoon said while smiling.  
Inside the small package there were two keys necklace.  
“Jinyoung-ah, I don't want you anymore to be the key that opens my locket neither I want to be the key that open yours. I want us to open all the lockers, all the doors in front of us, together.”  
Jinyoung with the brighter smile he ever wore took the to necklaces putting one on Ji Hoon and the other one on himself without speaking, then he positioned himself in front of Ji Hoon and took one of his hands into his.  
“We will open everything”  
After saying this important phrase he went closer to Ji Hoon face until their lips met to create the most beautiful piece of art. 

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Jinyoung-ah will you heal me from the scar that you created?”

“Hyung, I can’t heal you, you can. What I can do, is just to give you everything I have, myself,  
but from now on, until the moment my heart stops I’ll protect you, I won’t go away ”  
That night Jinyoung kissed Ji Hoon hair’s and hugged him the tightest he could to make the other feel his presence.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When there is a small tiny indissoluble thread between two individuals, they are bound to get together somehow. It doesn't matter the problem they have, it doesn't matter how different they are, it just doesn't matter.  
You can't stop loving the other.  
Relationship isn't just flower and romance. Accepting someone in your life ain't easy.  
You can't expect to have only happy times, even though there are. You develop yourself within the other, in the good and the bad times. Accepting each other flaws and insecurities is not an easy path but they knew they were ready to cross that, to arrive together at the same goal.  
If you think about it, you can't know how happiness feels if you don't taste sadness.  
You can't understand what love is until get completely destroyed by it.  
The path for Ji Hoon and Jinyoung started all over again, they were scared of it, but they loved each other after all, and that was going to be enough for them to be together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, are you crying?  
> If not I failed so let me know thanks. (lol)  
> Did I leave you bitter taste? I hope not since this chapter really drained my energies (?) ... that's why it took me so long you can say.. i wanted to have proper end, and i wanted to portray the best i could their characters emerging in this last chapter.  
> btw i'm proud of the final part so please praise me (...) as bts said I shed "blood sweat and tears" for this chapter...  
> and I hope you caught as you read the last phrase Jinyoung say from his energetic part <3  
> I live for your feedbacks so make sure to leave one! and remember.. english...not my mother tongue so whatever is wrong tell me!  
> You can freely curse at me on my twitter if you want @SetsukaYoichi <3  
> See you soon sweethearts during the prequel <3
> 
> [But make sure to come here sometimes i could change this a bit ]


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